Tuesday, February 11, 2020

Power Sex

Sex is a power dynamic and we are often told that rape is not sex it is power and while that is true it is also sex as that to at least one of the individuals it is sex, just look at the Harvey Weinstein transcripts, the Bill Cosby trial and well sit in on any therapist discussing the dynamics of a couple's relationship when it comes to sex.

As a woman of a certain age aka a woman that no one wants to fuck anymore I had to think about what that means when it comes to having a relationship that is meaningful and what defines intimacy.  Well I tried one where the closeness came from never having sex but being fully forthright, honest and even talking about sex and that ended badly but then again wrong place, wrong person but at least I got the idea of it now finding the right partner for that type of relationship is a lot more complicated than swiping right.

At my coffee shop where I learn about all things that in a regular world would mean nothing to me we had the discussion about Polyamory and that is what the kids are into these days.  In my day again we called that serial monogamy or playing the field.  In this era of rebranding I think adding a more complex Latin term makes it sound better than say fucking around.

Well first of all young people are not the ones doing all the fucking as it appears that Millennials are in a sex recession.  I assume that this over managed hyper politically correct group spending most of their days worrying about pronoun use and filming social injustice and thanks to helicopter parents who did everything but digest the organically prepared meals that were carefully curated haven't figured out the parts they need to use to have sex let alone get consent. For this does seem to be the biggest cohort with the drunken rapes and confused sexual encounters we hear of as late.  Going to college used to be fun but now its a goddamn minefield.  I would say fuck it but that is likely an offensive term that is a trigger warning.

Apparently Americans are number one in another issue - the threesome. Well Off Broadway has a musical, (no less) based on the 70s swinger movie, Bob Carol Ted and Alice.   It was not well reviewed but perhaps a sex therapist should be the one providing thought versus a theater critic.  I recall back in the day when Pornography made it mainstream and people lined up to first run movie houses to see Deep Throat.   Oh yes those were the days when the only thing sticky on the floor was spilled soda.  Today we get our porn the same way we meet people to have sex with - the Internet.

The actual inability to sit on a bar stool or in a library or somewhere people engage in conversation (and yes people do talk in the library there are places in which to do so) cannot have the random encounters that lead to friendship, romance or whatever in between.  I met dates on the bus but then again that was then in a time before stranger danger and the idea of learning how to filter, not force booze or slip drugs in their drink in which to get laid.  And yes "Roofies" have been around a long long time, again see Bill Cosby for that one.  But it was not as common nor as nearly frequent as I have heard and experienced first hand in my 50s.  It took a generation (which means 25 years) of being sexually active before someone decided to Cosby me and he was a boy of 24, a Chemistry student who decided that would be a great experiment on a living person that nearly ended up dead as a result.  That ended whatever sex life I would have ever.  And he will and likely do it again and guess what? I don't care and if Melania is done with that jacket I would love that castoff.

When it comes to men, particularly white men, they are obsessed with sex. The same way I see Southern Women who see their value through their vagina, men see theirs through their penis.  As we now know that Harvey Weinstein has a deformed penis and in turn that may have been why he was a predator as he had no clue how to seek help or be comfortable with his deformity. He was married and had children and his last wife was Georgina Chapman of Marchesa fashion company, a woman very attractive and successful in her own right but then again she married it and by it I mean him as he already had a hideous reputation and was hardly a diamond in the rough or otherwise so you figure out why as we know it was not that he had a dick to his knees which would be my only reason to marry that hideous beast.  Or that the check cleared.  Either/or.

That same reasoning could be applied to the dead Roger Ailes of Fox news as he had some serious issues aside from being a paranoid, right wing, fat asshole and yet his last wife had a career, education and yet she still married him.  But they were living apart at the time of his death and that would be my perfect marriage - not his or hers bathrooms let alone bedrooms - houses.

So when the Barista informed me that he was in a Poly relationship as that was what the kids are into, actually I wasn't sure if he was trying to convince me he was a kid or that this whole scene was normal I cannot be sure but hey I am open to whatever.  And by that I mean to each his own cause again that jacket says it all - I really don't care.  I asked him how one has time to maintain such a dynamic as I don't have time for one let alone more than one and he laughed and said, "It doesn't have to be a functional relationship, it allows you to have several dysfunctional relationships and not deal with any of them." And there it is.   Having to wade through shit means putting those waders on and dealing with it and we don't do that at all.

I read this in the Guardian this morning and my first thought: Well that is why it is called a FANTASY.  By that word alone it means you imagine and concoct an idea and then leave it there, sort of like Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones. It doesn't mean you go into that world and think that is something better, but then again without that we would have no comic-cons with that weird ass fantasy play hitting our convention centers.  Ya think weird sex happens there? Maybe but something tell me no as after a day of dress up it is exhausting getting into it let alone get out of it.  Talk about fantasy and reality meeting sometimes is disappointing.

Maybe that is what is really happening here, we always want more, we want better and we are never satisfied with what we have.  The first rule of the Book of Myths: Thall shall not covet.  Christ, and I mean that not as a name but a statement, go to the South it is all they do covet.   They are obsessed with what other people have and with sex and so once again that damn book has fucked more people over than Harvey Weinstein could have ever imagined.  Sex is power and by that anyone with a sword be it attached to their body or via their hand will swing it and use it to damage and destroy anything in their past.  Game of Thrones is the most sexually demonstrative series to date, incest twins, rape, murder, patriarchy, mother of dragons and of course let us not forget the unsullied, the men an army without dicks.  Yikes that is porn of the 70s just rebranded.   Power and sex are the one dynamic that has brought down dynasty's and created them as well.

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