The last few days I have been trying to understand and somehow explain the failure of men as I endlessly hear or read another story about a man and his failure to control his most basest of urges which seem to be to fight or to fuck.
Even the most innocuous of men seem to have a switch in their head that seems to turn on or off when it comes to either behavior and that also may be why those men seem to struggle more with sexual identity, personal intimate relationships and in turn their own place in a larger social role. Those are the men who at 60 suddenly divorce, have literally an identity crisis and find themselves adrift. What used to end up with a man buying a Porche or quitting his job to live on a boat has become so much more. I think of Bruce Jenner and now Billy Dee Williams who has decided to become fluid in his identity. Do I care about either man? No but the need for attention is the part I don't understand. You know who you are early on and at times that challenge to fit that square peg into a round hole is not easy and I should know and mine is not about sexual identity but just being a woman of independence of means and that is not just about finances but about work, relationships and what I believe and do in response to my beliefs about myself.
After what happened to me in 2012 I was not sure what my life would be like without a fuck buddy and I found out its fine. I cannot be Gay as I was not born that way and no it is not a choice and I choose to be me. So for someone who enjoys men and in small doses but would like a constant companion on whom to rely I realize that men say that but they do not mean that. They cannot get enough sex to ever satisfy them and they cannot accept a woman who either agrees nor is willing to not agree. With men it is no either/or it is neither/nor. A woman is a whore or a mother and one fucks at will and one just fucks to have children and once that is accomplished their role is asexual and to serve. Gee where did that one come from? Oh yeah the book of myths.
This weekend I watched three comedy specials with their own take on parenting, relationships and becoming an adult in society as it related to their own experiences and history - Wanda Sykes, Seth Myers and Sebastian Maniscalco. There are many outstanding ones with similar themes on Netflx right now, many I have seen and some I have not but it is worth ones time to just sit and laugh at the world that seems all out of control and all ironically because of men who stand on two sides of the same argument. The NATO conference demonstrated that in ways that reminded me of the high school cafeteria with the cool kids laughing at the nerd who later plans his revenge. And we have seen of late of that pans out usually with guns and ammo not Hookers and blow; the later a way preferable way to give the big finger to the assholes.
But what stood out was Wanda Sykes observations about aging as a woman. And there I realized that for me I have become invisible, I am to be ignored and when being paid attention to I am done so in a patronizing and condescending manner. We are seeing this now also pan out with the "OK Boomer" response by Millennials who seem to think our world view is a waste of their precious time away from social media which put us here in the first place. So okay then! But her one observation was salient with the lack of Estrogen which is a calming hormone we are becoming men. It explains my anger and my rage of late and why I upset everyone with my directness as that is not how women are dammit! More subservience and reticence please bitch!
I don't do social media anymore and I loved Twitter in the early days and now I simply glance at it an pimp my blog. I have a fake Facebook account and email with it and when they get shut down in the occasional sweeps I just come up with another one. Really Google and other tech firms give no flying fucks about any issues of privacy, fraud or interference in democracy. The more data the better to make money with. If they cared they would have fixed it like they claim they are fixing the world and making it better, like Theranos only with less bullshit and fraud. And that was a woman behind that so hey we broke the glass ceiling there!
And that brings me to the sharing economy and the varying startups that have come from them. Let's see the woman oriented ones are fashion and domestic based - Pinterest, Etsy, Rent the Runway and so forth. The male ones are Uber, Lyft, AirBnb, TaskRabbit, Grinder and other dating apps that are sexual in nature. Just Facebook with swiping versus liking which is what the face place was about when it started, a way to rate women by nerds who could not get laid. They chose the internet and getting rich over taking up arms. Good choice.
So this week brought the report by Uber about the number of sexual assaults and other criminal complaints on both drivers and passengers. I am sure Lyft is the same (and it is)as who hasn't gotten into one of the vehicles to find the signage of both in the car. I never do any of those services at night and never will without a male companion as frankly they are not the best in the best of times but the few I have had here in Jersey speak very little English and those who do I start up a convo right away and keep talking and we all know how men hate women who talk a lot. Irony I am rated 5 star! I tip. That said I have also had amazing conversations with men in those vehicles that lasted long after the ride did and I am better for it. I actually do know how to converse and when you are willing to find someone to do the same we are all better for it.
And for the record most abuse, violence and societal problems begin on social media and end in a pile of shit. So much for the social part but ass kicking, murder, suicide, rape (or making it live on and on and on)and gun violence sure that is pretty social.
So as I try to understand what the fuck is going on and why I feel so afraid, disconnected and in turn just sad, I read the following articles all about the failings of men when it comes to women and sex:
Woman killed after date
Woman killed for ignoring catcalls
Traffic Stop leads to Rape or Dead Tell No Tales
Rape as Porn Video
Cruise Ships and Rape
How about a Plane or Another airline perhaps
Caregiver or Taker
I just listed the ones of late these do not include further allegations about Priests, Harvey Weinstein or the other Stein - as in Jeffrey. The fallback to Prince Andrew is enough about that subject for awhile. We have numerous stories of rape and assault all over the globe, just doing a search on the New York Times gave me these articles. It is a global problem that affects both men and women. Google Hyderbad. And yes men are also raped by men that are not just Priests. The New York Times did an outstanding investigation of male rape in the Military and of late the boys in Afghanistan.
My point? That men have real problems that all the hash tags, marches and collective sighing will not change. We have had legislation for years to prevent sexual abuse including harassment and clearly it failed in the same way the Cops failed to protect people from harm as they seem to be the ones most causing it. And when it comes to sexual assault they do shit all nothing as the Atlantic found in their article about how many rapes fail to get investigated at any level. And watch the Netflix series about ProPublica's investigation into a serial rapist - Unbelievable. You may need a comedy show after that.
Anger, rage, displacement, confusion, sexual identity, sexual frustration, drugs, alcohol, abandonment, isolation, depression, anxiety, poverty, family abuse, sexual abuse, religion and societal pressures are all reasons why we do what we do, why we make bad decisions but nothing women do seems to rise to the level of violence and destruction that men do. And why? It's the testosterone baby! That is some shit man that is killing men. Fuck Viagra, find a way to control that and maybe we have solved some of the problems. Just some of them. I am not sure if it is all nature at this point as we have nurtured this for centuries and some things regarding male domination and abuse seem beyond resolution. We are all losers for this. Time is up? For what? It appears as if that time has passed. Ok, Boomer.