I have given up being outraged as at this point it is better to bust out laughing at the sheer level of absurdity that is going on across the world and undoubtedly being debated on cable news as I write this. We have lost our collective minds and not just here in America but across the globe.
I rarely watch Cable news unless at the gym and HGTV doesn't have any flipping shows on to distract me. I have seen every episode of Fixer Upper, Property Brothers, Flip or Flop and others to the point I can actually repeat the faux scripted lines out loud. But hey while half reading a magazine and trying to burn calories you need a distraction. The times I do watch I end up burning more than just calories as it was at the Gym I witnessed the bizarre Kayne/Trump meetup and much of the Kavanaugh hearings only to leave to come home and they had started again! There is only so much in a given day one can be informed and outraged at the same time.
Of late I postpone the newspaper to the next day where the news is officially old but it enables me to look at how it was believed and presented the day before and contrast it to the present. Fascinating what a day brings. So as I wind out the week with a day of school closing for flooding I again laughed as it was not raining when I woke up and the heavy rains have not begun so why this was closed was again like the day of snow, which did not happen, but a day later the freezing temps warranted as such but the Director burned once twice shy. Again what a day brings but at least this is a Friday.
This week here in Nashville another WalletHub study was released about the anger and sin component of the region and Tennessee was number five on the list. Why Nevada was number one makes no sense as all sin is legal there but okay but to see TN on the list I was not shocked, no really not at all even sarcastically about that. What I found laughable was that story was buried deep in the rag of the news and not even given a passing mention on the TV news as they recite every study and bullshit claim like a breathless teenager who just got felt up for the first time. Well here they start young and early with that and when they reach their teen years they have the experience that adults twice their age have yet experienced so that might explain why they passed over it. I have no problem with this view as Tennessee as debased as again I have seen it and witnessed it first hand with the endless stories about varying Teachers/Youth Coaches/Pastors and others who work with kids fucking them up in every sense of the word proves my point. You don't come out of that unscathed and damaged as we are seeing with the convocation at the Vatican over the abuse by Priests in the Church. Funny how the temples and buildings have withstood while the human casualties show devastation akin to an major earthquake.
I can say nothing more about this subject of molestation of which as they say here was "blessed" to not know or experience as a kid. When I was engaged/involved an educated by the Catholics in my formative years I never felt threatened and whatever I did to avoid it I wished I knew today but again time has passed but still I think of my fellow classmates who were likely abused by Father Champagne and think why? Then I look at the Teachers and Nuns and Adults in that perimeter who seemingly were unaware but were they? Then there were the horrific Teachers in their own right and often abusive and unkind to Students who were challenged or challenging many ways. My one punishment which I learned quickly (as I only needed one lesson) was a Teacher who punished kids who talked, like me, in in class to squat in his classroom arms outstretched in a cross like position (irony not lost clearly) as he would stack one Encyclopedia on each hand one after another until you collapsed in pain. He was a sick fuck and I hope he rots in hell. I see similar Teacher problems here as I get why they verbally abuse these kids as it is just a cycle of hell, give and take and give and take as no one knows how to actually rationalize or work with children so damaged they are simply too far gone to do so.
Yes the children here are not capable of rational thought or any concept of cause and effect. As yesterday the children who killed the young musician laughed and talked their way through court leading the Judge to toss them out as a result. Shocking? No, not really. Even more troubling the Police did not handle the kids and put himself at risk when a gun was tossed in the front seat of his ca after they were arrested. This case is so troubling that even the nasty site Scoop Nashville is avoiding it as they know full well that their audience of largely faces of color at some point could not contain themselves and only add further fuel to this burning dumpster fire that is Nashville.
I went to the alternative school this week that was in the news as its Police Officers quit a due to the verbal abuse that they could no longer tolerate. And once again I found another set of children so damaged there is little one can say other than they are clearly mentally ill and there is nothing that this school can do to salvage these kids only to stop pretending they are. One boy came in moved some instruments and brought his classmates into the room in order to throw dicel he had fistfuls of dollar bills and was immediately in charge, demanding me to shut up and not touch him (as if I would but again that is a red flag) and when I opened the door to show this in the hall they ran out after threatening me and what? Verbally abusing me. Then later a young woman came in sat at my desk and demanded me to play "black people not white people music" and wanted my full name to complain about me. No she wanted my full name to find me on social media as that is the way they complain here and this is also how many a Teacher have been busted for doing the same so if anything why any Teacher would is beyond my understanding so another good reason to keep any of that on the down low but hey keep on keeping on. So, I invited her to call the office as they have all the details needed in which to officially file said complaint and she refused demanding me to not talk to her while demanding my full name. Which is it? I kept saying: "Whatever you say miss" which further enraged her and then the Teacher arrived. He is a young black man with a degree from Howard University and this is his job? What does he do? Nothing but pretend he is "giving back" from what I can tell by the lessons left and to whom this giving is to I am unclear. There is no giving here only taking. I literally walked out of the school and realized I am the one who is nuts for going back ever.
And today I had another laugh as the Plumber who is also the Governor here was found admitting to partaking in Antebellum parties of his youth and apologizing. And then the requisite photo emerged of him wearing a Confederate uniform. Shocking! No, not really.
Meanwhile in election fraud the loudest voices went silent as the testimony of the candidates son finally broke that back in North Carolina. Now the candidate has had strokes that made his memory falter clearly not enough to not run for office in the first place but one has to love that sordid bullshit that had a Hardee's worker collecting absentee ballots and submitting them for fraud. But had this son not testified to his concerns with evidence supporting his claims I wonder if this outcome would not be a new election. The question is will Harris suddenly recover to run again?
And lastly we have the Jussie Smolletts's case. There is nothing I can say about this but thanks to this idiot he has done little to restore already well fractured issues in the Black and Gay community. Perhaps Charles Barkley gave the best advice to anyone planning a crime: Don't write a check. To create a hate crime for whatever reason is nuts and I saw it less about his being black or gay but him being a celebrity and his family has been in that air for a long time so his reality is not all that connected to the communities he belongs, celebrity is a whole different genre, like white music and black music. Hey ask that crazy girl what that is exactly but it told me again that racism is not unilateral or singular in any direction.
Today the New York Times has a section dedicated to the story and memory of Emmett Till and his murder. It was a hate crime of epic proportion and cannot be mentioned in cavalier fashion as I have heard of late with the Director of Nashville's dumpsters evoking it and of Trayvon Martin which I think is the most prescient examples of how we have done little to change our concepts and views on race in the last 50 years since. So I take those young men's names seriously and with utter respect and reverance and do not use them in any way other than in the appropriate context - theirs. They own their story in life and in death and I question anyone to use it otherwise as it demeans and in turn diminishes their stories.
So while Jussie Smollett takes on the news front page a real hate crime was in the planning stage and it was being done by a member of our U.S. Coast Guard on Government issued equipment and on Government issued time like Donald Trump does with his firing up these crazy fucks who want to act on their hate and takes his as their own.
Let's review real hate crimes of late: Charlottesville, Pittsburgh, Charleston, Kentucky, Portland Oregon, the shootings in Antioch, one at a church and later the one at the Waffle House, the newspaper in Maryland. There was the Borderline Bar shooting in California, the Yoga Studio, the Bank shooting and the bomb maker in Florida. Regardless of the intent these are all fueled by some internal rage directed to a cohort of individuals who have an agenda to promote or defend. It is so severe the Justice Department has a site dedicated to understanding and tracking hate crimes. Good times! This is when I don't laugh I don't sleep and don't feel safe. I don't feel safe living in Nashville for good reason and the children here were my first introduction to this place and my deep suspicions have in fact been proved right. And yes all of it is about mental health as I have finally accepted that all of these children who later become adults have mental health issues that go utterly neglected until they finally act on their delusions, their fantasies and their rages.
Bless the Beasts and the Children is a part of the Christian Dogma and it is funny here in the Bible Belt it is last thing they do, instead they use the belt to beat said children (and likely animals given the endless talk on news about them I suspect that is why as there is another rescue story daily) into submission. This is how we comply through violence. Here is another dogma for you: Violence begets violence.
This marks the ending week of Black History month and there are so many pages to add to this history but is any of it good of late? Stories are told from many perspective and many voices and I am not against anyone willing to share a story about another if it lends to the history of their existence. So when a white idiot tells me about Don Shirley regardless of the narrator I will open my mind and my ears to listen to his gift that enabled him to share it with an audience of all colors. The same for Freddie Mercury. I don't need a movie about him being Gay to listen to Queen that is another story for another film maker to make and even that film had a narrator who might have problems of his own that too may be made into a movie. We listen to and learn from those who are trying to tell us something. And guess what not all of it is good, nor important, nor relevant but we need to listen so we can try to work around it be that on a larger scale or just a personal one. I have tried here to do that every time I walk into a school and finally I have decided to not.
Yesterday the schools were honoring Black History Month with varying presentations and assembly's and I promptly used that time to sneak out and run errands. Anything to get out of those schools I will do and yes they can pay me my 11/hour as they owe me frankly. Years ago I recall going on a march through a park to listen to drummers present a tribute to the music and honor those who had walked many paths of protest only a year later to find a student at the same school accuse me of racism because his behavioral problems were so significant I asked him to put his head on his desk and breathe and count to ten to calm down and focus. He felt that was racist. I ask kids of all colors to do that many times and yet when you figure you are singled out as you are different I see the point but there it is - I cannot tell a black child anything they don't want to hear it. It took me moving South to finally realize that no my message is lost and just like the girl who wanted to listen to black music not white music I got it, I really did. I don't need a stack of books on each arm to weigh me down with pain my pain is real and I am so ready to pack and go it cannot come soon enough. It does make we wonder who I will be when I leave as the person I am here is not a happy one. So I have to laugh as it has always been the medicine of choice to find peace I hope you find a way to find yours.