I have spent the better part of the week just feeling lousy. The loss of one's teeth, despite knowing that I will have an amazing restoration when done does little for the now. Struggling to eat, gluing plastic dentures in place that may look fine but certainly don't feel it all just contribute the bitch about aging. If this is the worst it will be then I accept it wholeheartedly I just wish it was happening anywhere but here in the "vile.
The reality is that this city of it is clearly not aware that "it" is not always a moniker worth having. Think of Cousin It, being tagged "It," Stephen King's It are not great comparison. Although secretly I would love if Pennywise would come and haul some of the Bachelorette parties into a sewer. The it moniker is now over five years old but they are still singing that label in every honky tonk on Broadway. The endless hysteria over building hotels and "luxury" apartments for apparently the workers who work in them or some mysterious Amazon employee, the one making 150K, dominates the discussion here; All of this while simultaneously ignoring the endless traffic, violence, the dumpsters that are called schools, the lack of affordable housing for those who could use less luxury and of course the city debt and the avoidance of discussing how to plan if another flood occurs. Gosh well we have a Plumber as a Governor and who better to re-mediate post flood!
I would kill, whoops wrong choice of words as any metaphor is taken literally here, to have a conversation with someone/anyone intelligent. When I read just the garbage Tennessean or the business journals I at least have some familiarity or knowledge of what is going on around the city of it. The endless contradictions, the endless bullshit and of course the endless bragging is what I have come to learn defines Southern Culture. Add to that the Southern issues with anger and religion it is a hell of a place and that may actually be an appropriate metaphor.
Right now the dumpster I am at is having a lock down and I am trapped in a room with a young black student who is verbally abusive, raised her hand at me and has endlessly gone on and on insulting me until she finally decided to lie down. This is my work and my life in this place. Again one asks the questions about poverty and race and one's own relationship with those issues and there is no poverty like Southern poverty and the neglect and abuse of those black is demonstrated by how they behave and act. After finally playing stupid to her and offering to put on classical music she finally gave up after not knowing what any of it is or who Mozart or Bach were/are. I am relieved so again I am going home to an empty apartment to watch Netflix and chill alone. This is my life after 50 what is yours like?
I can't tell who I loathe more here - women or men. Well both as this is their city that they collectively neglect. The endless issues over children, their belief system, the lack of education, the politics, their health issues as in overweight and of course the lack of fashion or style. With my dental issues I put on weight and frankly sold a lot of designer clothes as they no longer fit and at some point I will likely not wear them again as I have moved on from that style. But I do miss the occasion to put on something other than athleisure and tennis shoes. But it would require me to leave the house and give a shit. Not happening. I tried when I first moved here but the people are so loathsome, unfriendly and un-engaging I just quit.
But this may also be an issue surrounding age and as I have no children or living family I have no sense of perspective or feedback. The New York Times did an article about women over 50 and they mentioned a site called Honey Good. I signed up for the emails and well it is about as interesting as reading the Tennessean. But as always one article stood out and trigger warnings and all I read it, entitled the Do's and Don'ts of Flaunting Your Sex Appeal After 50.
I find all of this tragic, grim and pathetic. Sex Appeal means in and of itself how to be appealing to a member of the sex whom you are attracted (and this appears targeted to solely heterosexual women) and will have sex. Gosh the MeToo movement missed its mark here. I assume I want to look good, feel good, be healthy, have sex if I wish and pursue happy functional relationships with anyone at any age. Asking too much maybe?
Then the new season of Grace and Frankie on Netflix picked up with the women checked out of the Senior home they were placed in by caring family members and in turn back at the beach house. The house had been sold but whatever happens in real estate means contingency and they managed to get it back from a Millennial rocker by convincing her it was not her style. Then Grace returned to her former business, Frankie went on to fuck up their other business and both women got laid. All while managing to deal with such important issues as long lines waiting for pharmacy medications and short crossing lights. Dear God is this what old age is for the white and privileged? Meanwhile their ex-husbands (now married to each other) find themselves on the aging parameter and in turn how they are evolving as new aged out and loud queens. I cannot believe I actually liked this show but the farcical way they are portraying aging is both neglectful and utterly full of bullshit.
And then lastly I read yesterday about how sex aids for women, the same products that are supposedly what Grace and Frankie sell are actually kicked out of the varying tech conferences and I have to agree this is gender bias and yet without such stimulation I would have no sex appeal.
Women have been the focus lately as apparently we are working later and longer but of course that does not include women who are not famous or well off and into politics. Ask the women at Kroeger or those of Sears how they feel. Good Housekeeping is there however to let us know the fun is just beginning. Cannot wait.
Again I am at the local dumpster and it is on fire as always. I had to stop composing this as the Police came into to search the students and the classroom for drugs or weapons. It was like they were on leave from TSA only with pay. We had to leave the classroom, the Police searched the room, while we were in the hall the Police wired over the kids, had them remove shoes, turn pockets inside and out. I stood outside and chatted with the House Admin then later when a dozen kids congregated in the room, refused to leave and I attempted repeatedly to leave the door open, the same little girl hid the shim (the one who had raised her hand to hit me, threaten to strip search me, verbally assault me endlessly - which when I said to stop with the endless verbal assault she seemed clueless as to what that meant. Not the first time a young black student responded that way when told to stop. So you can see what great communication and relationships they have in their lives) Then finally the Principal came down, the kids scattered in the room, hid under desks, tried to use me as a shield or something, the little girl behind a computer cart. He enters and films them one by one and walks out. I thought this is something you see in a zoo - look mommy at the animals! So yes I can focus on what I feel and look like and how I feel about race, poverty and education. Another day in Paradise.
So tell me again, what is sex appeal?