Thursday, May 10, 2018

Safe Word

Once again as a woman defending men I need my head examined or to be slapped upside it. Is Eric Schneiderman seeing anyone?

This week brought more allegations and investigations that came to a close. I am exhausted and frankly enough is enough.

First up is Ana Marie Cox declaration that unless we know every private detail about a man in public life he is not fit to serve.  And in turn we are culpable for their continuing behavior if we choose to selectively ignore and or implore women to not come forward to file charges, make allegations, in turn file a civil suit or do anything if it will harm the cause.  To that I go: Who in the fuck agreed to that? I certainly may have voted for a Roue in my day, Bill Clinton comes to mind, but after the Lewinsky scandal I never respected him again.  And although I never understood Hilary's  desire to remain I felt that was her business and I still voted for her for President despite that she was my second choice to Sanders.   I cannot hold her accountable for the acts of her husband, she is an educated woman, had professional and personal experiences that would have enabled her to move forward and out without him, she chose not and I cannot penalize her for that.  We all make choices. 

Recently I heard the Reporter April Ryan on Bill Maher's show discuss Lewinsky and she said that she was the one at fault for this and she was a stalker. Really?  Again this is a young girl and frankly the well educated and well positioned man could have removed the cigar and shoved it up his own ass.  Sorry but someone has to be the adult in the room and simply remind himself of his position, her age and his marriage.  Gosh victim blame much?  And I do see her that way and always have.

Then we have Schneiderman who clearly needed a professional Domme who could have schooled him on the ins and outs of S&M and in turn learn safe words and in turn have this thing called a talk about his sexual interests and engage partners who were on the same page.   These were all educated women not his subordinates and he had no professional problems other than some arrogance and given his background not surprising.  So his private life was kink filled and like the Governor of Missouri he had issues controlling anger about his sex life and threatened women who felt uncomfortable continuing the relationship.  That is when I would call an Attorney get a cease and desist and in turn remind this man that the safe word is SUE.  But instead they sat on their rage and thankfully this METOO movement arrived or they might still be sitting.  Schneiderman was not fired nor served nor arrested all of which he should have been considering one woman went to the hospital with severe injuries.  But again failed to contact Police regarding a man she was sleeping with and not dependant upon for income or a job.  Why is that? Was she 22?  The pattern is that most of these men rarely choose women in their peer group or are professional equals and yet this was the case and Schneiderman has a former wife and grown daughter who have not said anything to indicate that his aberrant behavior was something they were familiar with and hid it for their own safety.  Okay the dude had a pill and booze and kink problem so why not get him help but no it escalated into this for what reason? 

And when I read scolding messages from have bloggers telling me that tolerance is permissible if the ends justify the means and point to the dozens of other cases where men have been fuckwits and no one did anything so we just need to have zero tolerance.   And from this I think to the issues about schools the endless issues with kicking kids out who are largely of color and have so many mental health issues that it leaves an outcome that we have seen repeatedly with gun violence the end result.

And that brings me to the endless debates over college sexual assaults.  Again if we were using Police and Prosecutors for legitimate investigations instead of picking the low hanging fruit and obsessing over people of color we might have actual cases in which to use as examples for why rape is bad.  And less killing of those who did not rape or do much of anything. That and testing the 1000 of rape kits that seemingly go ignored for decades but then again cold cases are back thanks to the Golden State Killer so get on that.

The New York Times did a great piece on the issue of "consent" and this a good place to start as it is there in College when the booze, drugs and the sex kick in or in the case of Eric Schneiderman in your late 40s.  But oddly that is when mine kicked in too and I was nearly killed as a result so yes folks I get it. I really do. 

My safe word now is NO.  I want nothing to do with any man.  I cannot trust them but I can at least speak to them, work with them and utterly go without one. I miss affection, connection and communication but we have none of that in this age.  Why is that?  Afraid much?  I am and yet I am willing to listen to all sides of the story to understand what happened and why. I have wondered many times why the boy did what he did and why and I have never had that and I respect the idea of the Justice system and they failed me and perhaps if we demanded them to do their job legitimately they may fail less and save more lives as a result.

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