These are three things inextricably linked and they are the other drugs with as much toxicity and addiction that less famous people find easier to latch onto but they are not mutually exclusive as we know of many who have fallen into that rabbit hole and Alice doesn't live there anymore.
I have tried to figure out coping strategies and as I just alter my efforts and each day another kick in the head that I over analyze and stress over when the resolutions are easy but it is what one does in social isolation. And as I have written quite a bit about that from articles in the Guardian to the New York Times with the former Surgeon General commenting that it is an epidemic I did find an interesting one about Hermits in the Guardian that made me laugh and understand why some of us truly struggle with personal relationships. Facebook got that right - It's complicated.
My former Attorney is now doing something similar and has moved to Alaska, is quitting law and taking up crab fishing, writing bizarre rants and raves and posts about his struggle with Crohn's Disease while taking up Ironman and pursuits to encourage other with similar struggles. He has truly lost his mind and defines midlife crisis to a T (as in capital) while his wife remains in Seattle watching this meltdown online but pledging love and devotion. I wondered why my case was so badly handled and that answered it right there. His former associate and my other Lawyer has not made one comment so clearly that relationship collapsed. But I will say that Ted is the smart one and Kevin is a user and without the ability to tap into that fractured intellect puts him to running from room to room and making deals in the same manner he did as a Public Defender only charging people for the same lack of service. Kevin Trombold is a fraud of an Attorney.
And why Ted Vosk and Kevin Trombold took my money, never listened to me nor believed me is because I am a woman, I am not rich and I am not famous, well connected so I don't matter. But it seems that when you are famous, rich and a woman you still don't matter. I matter and all of us matter and that was the point of Black Lives Matter. Just bringing attention to those whose marginalized status needed to be addressed and be it taking a knee or wearing a pink pussy hat, lives matter when those seem to say "eh not so much."
So when normal people find themselves in dark places they find access to things that enable them to cope. But that is not always the same with rich people as they simply find ways to break others into compliance and cooperation. Money is one way, lawsuits another and lastly threats, blackmail and other bullying tactics learned on the playground down to Adults protecting them through willful ignorance and complicity and collusion that self protection requires. People have to eat!
And last week I read about Whitney Houston and Clive Davis and the odd dynamic that may have led to her own addiction and problems while he too struggled with his own demons that I am sure were projections onto her only adding to her problems with sexuality and her own wishes regarding her music. Money and Success are evil Siamese twins.
I of course laughed as the other night Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen were here sharing tales of their friendship with a ticket price of upwards to $250 bucks to listen to what I hear nightly on Watch What Happens Live. What I would rather hear about is the Gay Mafia and if that is real or was that a nickname for the many Gay men in the "industry" who are now openly Gay but at one point very closeted. Funny today they are seemingly living normal lives, their professional ones untouched as was Anderson Cooper's when he chose to come out a few years ago, so what was the deal there? In all honesty is that truly still a thing? Do regular people care about Barry Diller, Clive Davis, David Geffen, Jann Wenner or any other "name" that is a behind the scenes in the entertainment industry? Are their careers at risk more versus front room faces such as Barry Manilow who finally admitted something that I doubt anyone cared about. It was the Liberace moment frankly but again I am sure some Frau in Ohio cared about where they put their dick before showtime so maybe sure I get it. Money talks and people have to eat!
And yes I recall the days where being Gay, being a Jew, being whatever was the evil incarnate was could affect one's work life but in reality the only time in history it truly affected careers was in the 50s during the big Commie obsession. The irony led by Ray Cohn and FBI head J. Edgar Hoover, so heavily closeted and conflicted that misdirecting that rage makes sense. Hate self - hate "commies" instead. Funny that legacy of Ray Cohn is up front and alive today in the presence of Donald Trump a paranoid, isolated angry man.
The same characteristics are those shared by Hugh Hefner and another man of another era, Howard Hughes. The oddness the weirdness that money shields and in turn enables those who are reliant upon that money to assist in these efforts. A co-dependency that does nothing for anyone but people got to eat!
I think the same could apply to Steve Jobs who still is some type of reverent icon and eventually be just a memory for some more than others as time passes by but there was a hell of a lot of weirdness there.
And lastly the fall of Harvey Weinstein. Honestly, I love movies and knew of Miramax and just last week read a great profile of Judi Dench who idolizes him and how he made her career. Guess that tat (if it exists as she is coy about that and to even where it is on her body will be removed, I hope. Or maybe he tapped that ass literally and well she liked it. What do I know? People got to eat!
Again this is something that went on for decades. Much like Bill Cosby the reality is that money, fame and power hide and enable the perpetrator and in turn enables them to go on for years. We have heard this with regards to Fox News and Roger Ailes and Bill O'Reilly and others and the same denials and dismissiveness that occurs once the accusations and in turn accusers come to light. Not just the number but the names matter as we know that in these situations the individuals willing to do so find themselves being victimized again and again.
As when this happened to me and who tried to get help from numerous Attorneys and landing in the hands of frauds Ted Vosk and Kevin Trombold I know that it cost me more than money. Trombold took pleasure in ignoring me, humiliating me and his former Associate, Blair Russ, went further than that. When that was not enough I had to borrow to pay them and it took years and in that time when they failed to listen to me or communicate to me I kept on. If you think I mattered to them more than a check no. I lost much more than that and I will never understand why either failed to listen to me but watching the Vosk meltdown is something I take pleasure in. You take it where you find it. But I have no fame, no power and no money. They have never once apologized nor explained why and they never will.
No one ever hears from their perpetrators, their bosses, their friends once the shit hits the fan. You are on your own and as alone as you were. Fame, power, money does not even buy that but it does let you eat. And people got to eat!
I watched Jerry Seinfeld talk to Stephen Colbert about Comics who influenced them and the name of Bill Cosby came up. Seinfeld felt he could disassociate the comedy from the man and could listen to any of the bits without thinking about Cosby's own personal issues. Colbert was not comfortable with that assessment and while I find Colbert amusing he is perhaps the worst interviewer in the history of talk and his discomfort was so obvious that after the commercial break Seinfeld retracted that comment and said that he changed his mind while then riffing about how people rarely change their minds when they have made a decision so he was showing that he was wrong or what I was unclear and again Colbert knew that it was something of which to move on. Frankly I don't care one iota about Seinfeld's feeling about Cosby as I am bored with both of them. I have moved on and that is the power of fame and my power of my choices to not. I guess that is why Liberace was afraid as he felt he could not lose one audience member. How sad is that and how bizarre a co-dependence we have with celebrity.
I love Television, Music, Movies and Books and Theater and Art. My appreciation comes from my willingness to travel, to listen to watch to read and to buy said works. And it was during my darkest hours I found comfort and safeness that those who were hired or whom I believed would help me did not. They are just as culpable as the boy who harmed me. But when you are famous you want to believe you are sheltered and that too is a double edged sword as it is insular. Their personal lives are as complex as anyone and the only time I may no longer partake in that is when their personal lives go into such damage over time that rape, abuse and assault are a part of it. You know what we call criminal things.
When I read the New York Times articles I went back to read David Carr's brilliant article on Weinstein. I cannot ignore that it was written by a man whose own tortures led to a early end but no less we grew and learned from his amazing talent and I wonder what he would say today. There are those who you respect regardless of their personal struggles and that is pretty much how I feel about all of those whose stars have fallen from the sky but are no less bright. As at times we do become confused about what the term criminality means.
Now for all of us we have to face the system of Justice when we are charged and we hire or are appointed Attorneys to represent us. Had I had more money I perhaps could have found better Lawyers but even they were highly recommended I had no idea about their own personal issues and histories that would in turn affect me. So you see that is the real issue, we don't know anyone until we do. So when I wrote a check and took out over 25K in savings and in loans I had no idea who these men were and today I do. When I go to a Miramax movie today and now know that the Producer masturbated in front of women or demanded they watched him bathe I don't think I can see the movie in the same way. But we all can suspend disbelief in the theater we all do, no? I will say that Gwyneth Paltrow I have never liked and she probably now hates herself for allowing herself to be a part of this and I would find it hard to believe she was not. Goop, interesting name no? Maybe that was her nickname for Weinstein's jizz. What do I know? People got to eat!
I notice that Paltrow (and some others) is utterly silent during this and now his lawyer suddenly quit as even she too was likely realizing that she might have a conflict of interest her. Plus she and her shill mother could find their own brand harmed. How could an advocate of women now suddenly advise an exploiter of one, does bring one to go hmm? But this again is a Lawyer and they are whores. But yes even Whores have to eat!
But I can't walk into a Catholic Church without wondering why the Church for decades covered up systemic abuse and harm unless money was involved and yes the Church was a money maker. They ran schools and clubs and services all which fed into the coffers and in turn the beds of the Priests that had a revolving door of children in which to exploit. There is nothing there that justifies the level of abuse that transpired in that venerable institution. Eat the biscuit if you really need to eat!
I cannot ignore that other than Bill Cosby these are all white men of another era and another time and they use that to justify or explain their behaviors. Weinstein said it was the 70s and the Catholic Church the 60's to somehow offer reasoning behind the madness. The children of immigrants, the children of working poor who made through the door of wealth, fame and power and that was not enough. The need to harm women, to excuse and to in turn bully and threaten those into silence and those who enabled them for DECADES to do so are equally complicit. And yet this is in an industry that courts and loves people talking about them it is apparently what they are talking about is the real issue. Funny regular people don't get to pick and choose what is said or done to them.
This week marked the death of John Thompson who spent most of his life behind bars for a crime that he did not commit. He did not go down quietly he went angrily. I get it I really do.
We all make choices and we all live with the decisions that those choices make. I get the fear, the anger and the resentment. And in turn some brings self harm and some harms others, so what do you choose? Well we all want power/fame/money. I just want the latter. People got to eat!