Monday, May 5, 2014

Rules of the Game

That is what it is when it comes to dating, socializing and later marriage. It appears to be a game with ever changing rules, guidelines and of course responsibilities.

And perhaps that is why today we suddenly are realizing that we have a problem when it comes to the battle between the sexes. It is not that there is a battle nor war but there are some territorial issues that are now launching into Game of Throne territory - literally and metaphorically.

This weekend the New York Times had a cover story about the violence against women in the HBO show Game of Thrones. Based on a series of books that cover a mystical place in an unknown time frame, somewhere between middle ages and medieval, the women behind the throne, in front of the throne or just next to it are often sexual victors or victims.

The article is here and there was much made of a particular scene between the incestuous Lannister brother and sister as they had a sexual encounter next to the body of their dead son. There was a great outcry about the scene declaring it rape that became consensual sex. I did not even think about that issue as well they were/are brother and sister mourning their son who was a rapist, brutal, murderous, kid and they themselves had assaulted and nearly killed a child when he observed them having sex. At that point worrying about rape or whatever that was seems molehill seeking mountain.

The brutality and violence that includes exploiting and killing women while sexually assaulting them is a common theme, thread or storyline. Gee I never read the books so for me to complain might simply consist of actually not watching if I find it that offensive. And since these books are best sellers and ratings are reflective of that, I suggest you read them and then decide if in fact actually watching the book pages come to life as the writer intended might be your problem and not that of either writer or producers of the show.

Am I defending rape? The response is youhavegottobefuckingkiddingme. I am defending the right of an Author to write about what he wishes, the way he wishes and the show production for honoring those wishes even when it is ugly. I have two choices - to not watch or to watch.

I find it fascinating that these are often the same people up in arms about why those wish to block abortion and use the argument - don't have one if you don't agree. Well turnabout, fair play and all.

You can read the article and the interview and make your own decision.

But on that note the next day was another cover story about rape and those taking place on our College campuses. This the most recent resurgence of the rape issue that VP Biden was on a few years ago with the rise of assaults on College campuses. Then it was just the Ivy League but now it is become a larger issue as the use of Title IX and federal funding is the leverage for that stick and carrot in which to encourage Universities to comply with federal demands and compliance with local and state laws regarding sexual assault.

The issue surrounds well publicized rapes particularly around colleges where athletics take a front field and garner most monies. Then there are those where women have come forward to share their stories about their rapes and the end game results there. Be it sports or money its all a game in some way that leads to the end result.

There are only 55 Colleges being "investigated" but it is only one part of an ever growing story when it comes to the issue of rape, consent and in turn schools who are also under investigation for their malfeasance. Covering up a crime is just that. Does it mean they are the only ones? No if there is smoke there is fire and this is a hell of a bonfire.

I was at an alternative school last week. It has high risk students who basically are dumped there to sit and do classes online for hours. They are really fucked up kids. I rarely say anything about kids or any child I teach but there are exceptions. I cannot say why they are the way they are but even I had enough. I lost my temper not to them but to an aid in the class who was so idiotic and so useless I did not handle him at all well. The student and I talked later but the school and I never did and as a result the situation is now suddenly my problem and not theirs. It's theirs. And they have a real problem.

I watched two boys stalk and harass young girls. These are kids 14-17 and they are already confused, angry and lost. Again this is not a conventional school and there are issues there that show no accountability or sense of responsibility. Again that is the school problem not the children. But without it you have what you have. The trash talking, the mumbling, clearly drug use and then you have the sexual domination and control game. Already vulnerable and confused to stalk girls from class to class, whisper endlessly and sit with no respect to personal space or boundaries is indicative of a larger problem.

It escalated into me attempting for the last time to physically separate this disturbed young man from this and another student behind me playing more games. The word condom was "mentioned" and I finally asked someone to remove the boys from the room. I did not see said condom nor can say that was what was displayed or even said. But the aid in the room went into the hall after class and confronted the boy about my observation and comment I made to him in passing after class. I thought he may know them and tell me that it was either bullshit or not and just give me an idea if I was off base, etc. No this young man in his white liberal fantasy way confronted the boy in the hall and it led to him coming back into the room, screaming, calling his mother and it was all out of hand. The problem was no longer this student but the fuckwit who felt compelled to intervene in the most inappropriate manner.

So what have we learned? Well we have no ability to talk to each other and we have a much greater problem when there is a federally funded facility with no protocol in place in which to do so. And a young man with no guidance actually as in both young men in that case.

When you read the article you will read what the young woman faced as she tried to get help and some type of resolution. She got shut down. Ironically from women.

She said one of the two women on the panel, a university official, asked her, repeatedly, how the painful sex act she described was physically possible

I have heard the same. Women were my most critical miens. Men are just heavy handed when it comes to rape. I was asked "where did you meet him, the internet?" "You had sex before, what kind?" And my favorite: "let's re-enact your last memory." Nothing says adding to the trauma more than that. Of course later he suggested I get help for my "lifestyle issues" of dating younger men and going out drinking with them. Uh I was 52 and not going out "drinking" I was meeting someone at a bar for a drink. Which was later drugged but I see where that was a lifestyle choice.

So when I blew up at the aid it was all of that misdirected anger. I watched for 4 days boys and some girls wear inappropriate clothes, speak about sex in a manner that was disturbing to downright appalling. I knew that this is not about being a substitute teacher, that regardless of the adult in the room they are that way all of the time. So while they have problems it is a bigger problem than their own.

So if you are questioning about this epidemic in Colleges about rape it begins much much sooner. I have been in schools where as young as 7th grade they are now teaching "sexual harassment" classes. Take out the harassment part and you may be closer to the problem. We have very little to non-existent sexual education, we have huge cultural and religious issues that dictate the course work and in turn fear of litigation in a time when Education is so under fire and so highly charged I know few Teachers who aren't afraid of losing their jobs on a daily basis. This whole union nonsense is just that, the unions are equally idiotic and equally part of the problem, not the solution. But it is not tenure or test results it is about management, curriculum, lack of coordination, communication and cohesion to the community these schools serve. In isolation there is no resolution.

So you see why these women came forward and why the Government felt compelled to act, as no one else was willing. I spent 3 days tormented over my blowout and I am still today victimizing myself quite nicely thank you that I don't need anyone else to add to that.

This affects men to. The men who are the fathers, the brothers, the future lovers, husbands and sons. When they have to carry the weight of their gender it hurts them as well. It is not about women hating men its about wanting love and respect and dignity for all, regardless of gender.

ETA: This was in American Prospect about another student and her efforts to find support at a University the name changes the story is the same.

I added this after my "encounter with another idiot" who apparently also teaches College and she seemed suprised about this entire situation, heavily in denial and heavily uniformed I just repeated that perhaps reading the New York Times versus our piece of shit paper that pretends to evoke journalism might be a better way to grasp the problem.

We have a problem here and by here I mean everywhere.

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