Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Broken Heart

On Sunday the premiere of the Normal Heart was on HBO. A play by Larry Kramer about the AIDS crisis in NYC in the 80s.  It was made for TV with an amazing cast of men and one woman, Julia Roberts.

If you are the only woman in a cast of men who are all portraying gay men I think it was also perfect her character was a Doctor who was in a wheelchair due to Polio.  It was a decimating disease of its era but that one we figured out and yet sadly it too is making a reappearance of late.

Larry Kramer was one on the founding members of the Gay Men's Health Crisis, he is still HIV positive but still alive, still kicking and still screaming.  And all of us are benefiting from it.

I saw the Dallas Buyer's Club and while it was a clear "dramatization" of the individual who decided to risk it all for his life by being a drug smuggler and in a unique turn of events this kind of drug smuggler saved lives versus taking them.

But ostensibly they are the same about men who decided life was worth living and fighting for and they did as the body count rose around them.

I managed 10 minutes before the hot tears flooded my face. I recall the body count in the 80s and then it was done.  I was done and that might have been why today, I decided distance keeps my heart fonder and have elected to be aloof but still friendly.  I can recall those days and  the times of dancing. of laughter and just living with men who are still young and beautiful in the prime days of their and my life.

I grew up with gay men as my predominant influence.  My Mother worked in fashion and retail and she was flamboyant as she was interesting and my father never seemed to be concerned as why they were gay men.   It meant nothing to him that I knew of as and I am grateful as that is where I learned that people matter as how they present themselves and that is what matters, the rest is just extracurricular.

But we are not that way in America. We like our people like we like our food, mass produced and flavorless. Anyone out of the "norm" is not "normal" they are "different" and "special" and other patronizing, condescending and discriminatory terms.

I watched the Normal Heart and looked at the photos on the mantel of those whom I loved and thought what a fitting show for Memorial Day.  I don't forget them the other 364 days of the year however, they are with me and more importantly within me today.

After the histrionics that followed the Friday killings, I watched the Twitter meltdowns and ubiquitous hashtags about men and women and thought "is this what that was about?"  This sad sick boy used women as his "excuse" his "justification" his "reasoning" for killing people.  He was mentally ill and yes we have heard the bullshit including the Autism spectrum mentioned then dismissed, as he was and had been in therapy for years for what not said.     The manifesto and video was available and watched and duly warned in advance.  Was this truly misogyny?  No, it was mental illness that could have been a rant about Jews, Blacks, Mexicans, fat people, anyone whom this sick soul felt hurt him.   If that was the case then the original misogynist was Ted Bundy.   Good thing we didn't have social media in those days.

Then we have the access to buy guns which is the real elephant in the room. That a boy regardless of having a history or record was allowed to buy guns and amass an armament in his room with no one noticing is the true issue of import. Oh wait we have heard this before - the theatre in Colorado, the school in Colorado. Were they misogynists or just sick sick boys.

Adam Lanza did he hate children? Public School Teachers?  His mother? We will never know.

When we look to extrinsics look to GUNS and look to the Police who would bust a door down illegally without a warrant to get some pot but a family calls and advises them that there is something wrong and because he 'appeared' sane he was given a pass.  Yet they also have no problem killing the mentally ill in the street when they pose no threat.  The Police as nuts as the nuts they ignore frankly.

And what about the NSA?  Shit these goons are reading this as I type and they are monitoring pretty much everything.  Watch the Good Wife?  Seriously they are there to supposedly protect us from terrorism?  Is that not terrorism?  Well it clearly failed in Boston, in Maryland and well anywhere else we have had a mass murder/shooting/stabbing  in that the killers communicated with others beforehand.  So unless they used carrier pigeons and smoke signals I think we can be assured the NSA since Snowden left is largely ineffectual.

One of the victims parents told the Senators and Representatives calling to express sympathy to go F themselves. Good for him.  He is a Defense Attorney.  So he knows better than anyone how screwed up the system is.  Congress does nothing.   And nothing will be done about Guns in this country.  Apparently we also elected Wayne LaPierre as President of the United States as well as the NRA.

As long as you distract yourself with your belief and ## that this boy was a misogynist and that was what contributed to the murders then you might need some counseling yourself.

Memorial Day - remember the dead and their lives.  The lives lost don't deserve to be lost to a debate over truths we will never know as he too is dead.  But the guns he used are being sold to another right now who will find his excuse or reason to kill.


  1. I copied a quote from Lincoln and pasted it on Mike's wall because I believe, still, being human, the core meaning to be true. "We will rise toward the angels of our better nature." Lincoln never said we wouldn't loose our balance from time to time. I guess it comes down to realizing that keeping faith in one another, is keeping faith in Him. Somewhere along the time line that call got dropped, and we all end up paying. Like death and taxes are inevitable, love and kindness are too. It's true, it's all in your attitude. Keep your chin up and keep your heart open. He'll help you find your way, His way. God Bless You. Enjoy your day. Love, Shannon.

  2. I definitely love that God exists to me in me. I couldn't look at the beautiful men and boys who adorn my mantel without that. Thanks Shannon for reminding me that we need faith.